I hear my father's heart

I hear my father's heart
in the brokenness of his words.
He knew the words
before his brain began to die.
He spoke the words
before his brain began to die.

I hear my father's heart
in the skips and starts,
the stuttering frustrations
of his voice.
The voice that scolded and teased,
that soothed and laughed,
the voice that prayed gentle prayers
and loving blessings.

I hear my father's heart even
when the words don't come.
He tries to tell me that he's proud of me,
that he's proud of my husband, that I've been
a good daughter,
a good wife,
a good mother.
I know this is what he's saying.

Because I know my father's heart.

Conversation with my daddy on Father's Day with my mother in the background

Hello-o?
Hey Dad,this is Jane Ellen
Oh, you're the one she said would call.
Happy Father's Day!
What? Oh yeah, I'm a pretty happy dad.
..................


Let's see, there was something important about today, I needed to, hmmm.
It's Father's Day!
Oh yeah, father's day. Yeah I'm pretty happy.
........................................

I wish those people would stop pushing that stuff down into the lake. They think they're feeding the fish, I reckon.
(No, Charles, that's scum.)
Scum? Well, I guess it is. Why are they putting scum in pond?
It grows there.
It grows?
Yes, Daddy, it grows in the water.
.........................

There's a man that fishes down here sometimes. He brings this black man. Maybe they're the ones...
Anyhow, he fishes, but I guess that's alright. The neighbors, hehehe, they might get to calling me a nigger-lover.
Oh, oh, Dad, that's not a good thing to say. People don't say that anymore!
(Charles, shhh, don't say that. That's the man's son.)
What man?
The man who fishes in the lake and brings his son.The son is adopted and he's mentally challenged.)
Who is?
(Ask her if she remembers Dr. Shelly at Winthrop. He taught French, but he speaks seven languages.)
Seven languages? No wonder I couldn't understand what he said.
I don't know. I might remember him.
I wish those people wouldn't bring that scum with them and put it in my lake when they fish.
................................

Are you in a hurry?
No, are you?
Well, I feel like I'm writing a book and I need to start over.
Oh, are you tired of talking?
I'm about give out.
Okay, I love you, Daddy.
Love you, too, babe.

.................................

Something I found on another blog:

"My LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone." -Thomas Merton from Thoughts in Solitude